Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
