I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
