I will die if light touches me.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
being pregnant is like rehab
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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