I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
