I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
