Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
