The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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