I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
