I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You are the jesus of drinking
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
