So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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