Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize