I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
