Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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