the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
