Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
