If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
