when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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