She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
