Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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