you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
