I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
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