FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize