Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
