her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
