Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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