Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
