Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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