We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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