And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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