sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
