Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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