We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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