Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize