He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
