holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
