i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
not ubering you a puppy
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
