oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
