Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
