You smell like stripper and shame
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
