That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
