Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
