Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
