I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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