I checked into jail on foursquare
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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