porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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