I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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