Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize