I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
