i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Someone shattered a urinal.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
