He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
