Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
