I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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