i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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