Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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