I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
