I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
