Where did you get a picture of my penis
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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