Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
