I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
