woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize