I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
