That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He did a backflip because drugs
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
