I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
