You work out of a Hotel?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
