Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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