I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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