So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
