matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
