Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
