Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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