Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Randomize
