so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
