You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
